Much of a person’s happiness is derived from everyday interactions with other people. Some may share a laugh with a gas station attendant, go on to work and have a fulfilling productive day, and then drive back home, looking forward to the welcoming hug from a loving spouse. Without feeling a connection with other people one often becomes lonely and listless, looking for something to do and someone to hang out with. The elderly sometimes keep the television running in the background for company, and adults listen to the radio or talk shows in the car on long drives, but this tends to be a temporary situation until someone to talk to comes along. For real “closeness” we need to connect with other people. Intimacy is an emotional connection with another being, one that brings us joy and makes us feel loved. It is an important part of our lives and no one should have that taken away.

Contrary to popular thought, intimacy and sex are not the same. The act of sex involves being physically involved with another person. It includes many physiological changes in the body and these changes pass once the final destination - orgasm - has been reached. Intimacy, on the other hand, doesn’t have to involve physical touch at all. To be intimate is to be close, emotionally, mentally, or physically. It is to be connected with someone, to be understood, to be recognized, and to be cared for.


When supporting people with disabilities, some employees will reduce the levels of intimacy someone can experience, mistaking it and sex for the same thing. A woman I supported on a field placement for school was not encouraged in her relationship with her boyfriend because the staff didn’t think she should be sexually active, but they took drastic measures to prevent anything. The struggling couple were frowned upon for simple acts of affection such as holding hands, because “who knows what will happen next!” These two young adults rarely saw each other and were not allowed to go on dates or even visit each other, unless at least one staff member was present. Even then, they were limited in what they were allowed to do, even so far as being told that they couldn’t share a fleece blanket across their laps while watching a hockey game, although they themselves were not physically touching. This couple only wanted to be recognized by each other. They wanted to do things that created a sense of intimacy, things like holding hands, talking on the phone, using pet names, and sharing special looks, to show their love for the other and have that feeling reciprocated. For them it wasn’t a matter of sex, that was the furthest thing from their minds. They only desired an emotional closeness.


Physical touch is only eight percent of ways to show affection. That includes anything involving touch, from holding hands to sex, from hugging to rubbing someone’s back. Eight percent! That’s a really small number! There are so many other ways to show that you care for someone. You could read aloud to someone, talk on the phone, actively listen, show interest in hobbies and skills, send a surprise letter, leave a gift on his or her pillow, cook a special meal, clean up a mess left behind - anything you can do out of love.

I think that intimacy is appropriate and uplifting for people, for those on both the giving and receiving ends. It is good for people to learn and practice how to make others feel good. It teaches us to love (and the acceptable ways of showing love), platonic or otherwise. From my experience, people who have a supportive network of family and friends who show an active interest in their lives are less likely to experience chronic depression, unhappiness, and dissatisfaction with life than those who are alone or ignored. Some may need acknowledgement from many to make them happy, but for others all it takes is one person to love and be loved by.
Every single person, regardless of his or her physical or mental health, deserves the chance to enjoy happiness and contentment through contact with other people, and no should be denied this right.